You know what I’ve been thinking about lately? Renewable Resources.
This summer, my wife’s family spent an entire week together sharing a rental home in the Adirondack Mountains. We spent most of our time consuming fresh air and unhealthy foods with some wine and beer thrown in for good measure. I won’t say how much booze was imbibed, but there were ten kids under that roof so use your imagination.
As I observed these precarious youngsters, I couldn’t help but wonder how these little people could maintain such a rugged regimen of running, jumping and arguing with adults. Aside from chocolate milk and juice boxes, what was it that kept these kids moving at such an breakneck pace? And where could I get some?
That’s when it hit me like an Ike Turner uppercut.
You see, in the last few years there has been a great debate over which direction our country should go regarding the future of our energy sources. There are some who think the continued use of fossil fuels is the well-traveled, dependable road. And then there are those who’d like to see a shift to environmentally friendly, renewable resources like solar and wind power.
But from everything I witnessed during my week in upstate New York, I had the answer to America’s energy future right in front of me: Children.
Now I’m not suggesting that juveniles be rounded up and strapped into life-draining pods ala The Matrix. But if there were some way to harness the unbridled energy and enthusiasm that children possess, we’d probably be able to power every home in U.S. of A. for less money than G.M. loses in a fiscal year.
Unfortunately, I’m just an idea man. I don’t have anywhere near the scientific know-how to pull this off. But I do know there are people out there far smarter than me. And I’m using this forum to officially beg these geniuses to come up with the technological advancements that will allow us to convert temper tantrums into kilowatts.
Imagine a world in which a thin, photovoltaic-like film laid down on the floors and walls of playrooms and nursery schools harnesses the dynamic activities of children and converts them into raw power. We could replace all our coal plants and nuclear reactors with Chuck E. Cheeses and Gymborees.
In the kid-powered future, parents would be strongly encouraged to get their children running and playing; which means less time sitting on their duff with the XBox.
The more I think about it, this technological breakthrough could also be the answer to our child obesity problems. Two birds. One stone.
You’re welcome, America.
So get to work scientists. The ball is in your court. And while you’re at it, see if you can figure out a way to convert baby poop into gasoline.