You know what I’ve been thinking about lately? The election.
This past Tuesday I saw something I never thought I’d see in my lifetime: a duck with one leg. Oh, yeah and America elected an African-American president. That was pretty good, too.
But with the lengthy and expensive 2008 Presidential Election finally behind us, there is one question that remains… Now what do I do? I just spent the better part of the last two years watching 24-hour news channels around the clock in order to be completely on top of each candidate’s campaign. In that time, I was meticulously updated on the whereabouts of the candidates, what they were saying and how each candidate was specifically pandering to the masses. I saw Barack Obama peddle hope and change while drinking beer and hurling bowling balls into the gutter. I saw John McCain gives thumbs up after thumbs up, while grinning manically and insisting we were all his “fellow prisoners.” And I was hooked.
My devotion to my country and my need to fill free time set me on a dangerous path. I needed election information and I needed it bad. I needed to hear the results from the latest polls and I needed to hear the cacophony of three-dozen pundits as they deconstructed how immensely important each and every number really was. I needed graphs and pie charts. I needed interviews with campaign officials whose stock answers were more predictable than the weather in Southern California.
And now I’m expected to quit all of this cold turkey?
Each day since election day, I’ve found myself scanning the channels looking for my fix. I’ll take any election-based news I can find. But there’s not much out there. Where are the giant red and blue, interactive maps of the country? Where are the political reporters who were beamed into the studio for interviews? Where is Wolf Blitzer’s beard? Okay, Wolf’s beard is still intact, but it seems to be missing the lively glow it had during campaign coverage.
Just thinking about this hole in my life sends me into a bad case of the shakes. I need my political media and I need it now. Come on give me just one hit, just one campaign rally, just one daily tracking poll… something. I’m so desperate I’d even watch Fox News to get my fix.
Wow. Fox News? I guess that’s what’s commonly referred to as “bottoming out.” Maybe it’s time to join a support group.
Hi. My name is Dave. And I’m a cable news presidential election coverage addict.