Monthly Archives: November 2008

Sarah Palin

You know what I’ve been thinking about lately?  Sarah Palin.

One of the oldest clichés in the horror movie genre is the psycho-slasher who won’t die.  At the end of the film after the killer has wreaked havoc on a small town and its teenage delinquents, he is finally killed; laid to rest usually by a young female virgin or some doctor who is clearly the only person alive who truly understands the evil nature of this monster.  And just when the audience has breathed a collective sigh of relief it learns that the slasher is… STILL ALIVE!

palin1Sarah Palin seems to be taking a lesson from this age-old cinematic standard.  With the 2008 Presidential Election over and the Republicans licking their wounds, most of us reasonably assumed the world’s most famous hockey mom and her folksy fear-mongering would hightail it back to the Great White North, content to live her life as the governor of the country’s largest state (by land mass, not by I.Q.).  Once back in Alaska, Sarah Barracuda could return to her quiet small town life, helicopter hunting and snow machine racing, away from all the east coast media elites who wished to do her harm.

Instead… she’s back!  More accurately she never left choosing to stick around the white-hot spotlight and embracing the press corps she once avoided like the plague.  We couldn’t turn on a cable news network this week without seeing the former vice presidential candidate yucking it up with the likes of Matt Lauer, Greta Van Susteren, Wolf Blitzer and the still living Larry King.  She even invited some of those media elites she once decried into her home for pleasant conversation and a big bowl of moose chili.  Mmmmmm… moose chili.

Why the sudden change of heart?

Perhaps Governor Palin just wanted to clear the air after a highly contested campaign.  Perhaps she wanted to defend herself against allegations of diva-hood and reckless shopping.  Perhaps she wanted to continue to stoke the flames of fear by invoking yet again the name of domestic terrorist William Ayres.  Or perhaps there’s something more sinister afoot: keeping her Q rating high enough for a presidential run in 2012.

Now that’s really scary.

And much like cinematic slashers Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger this horror just won’t die.  Sarah Palin seems hell-bent on returning to the American limelight over and over again, with each sequel undoubtedly being a worse, less intelligent version of its predecessor.

Palin in 2012?  No thanks.  I’d rather vote for Leatherface.  At least that guy’s got a decent grasp of foreign policy and he could probably handle himself in an interview with Katie Couric.

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The Election

You know what I’ve been thinking about lately?  The election.

This past Tuesday I saw something I never thought I’d see in my lifetime: a duck with one leg.  Oh, yeah and America elected an African-American president.  That was pretty good, too.

But with the lengthy and expensive 2008 Presidential Election finally behind us, there is one question that remains… Now what do I do?  I just spent the better part of the last two years watching 24-hour news channels around the clock in order to be completely on top of each candidate’s campaign.  In that time, I was meticulously updated on the whereabouts of the candidates, what they were saying and how each candidate was specifically pandering to the masses.  I saw Barack Obama peddle hope and change while drinking beer and hurling bowling balls into the gutter.  I saw John McCain gives thumbs up after thumbs up, while grinning manically and insisting we were all his “fellow prisoners.”  And I was hooked.

My devotion to my country and my need to fill free time set me on a dangerous path.  I needed election information and I needed it bad.  I needed to hear the results from the latest polls and I needed to hear the cacophony of three-dozen pundits as they deconstructed how immensely important each and every number really was.  I needed graphs and pie charts.  I needed interviews with campaign officials whose stock answers were more predictable than the weather in Southern California.

And now I’m expected to quit all of this cold turkey?

cnn1 Each day since election day, I’ve found myself scanning the channels looking for my fix.  I’ll take any election-based news I can find.  But there’s not much out there.  Where are the giant red and blue, interactive maps of the country?  Where are the political reporters who were beamed into the studio for interviews?  Where is Wolf Blitzer’s beard?  Okay, Wolf’s beard is still intact, but it seems to be missing the lively glow it had during campaign coverage.

Just thinking about this hole in my life sends me into a bad case of the shakes.  I need my political media and I need it now.  Come on give me just one hit, just one campaign rally, just one daily tracking poll… something.  I’m so desperate I’d even watch Fox News to get my fix.

Wow.  Fox News?  I guess that’s what’s commonly referred to as “bottoming out.”  Maybe it’s time to join a support group.

Hi.  My name is Dave.  And I’m a cable news presidential election coverage addict.